


it's harder to know

by kingwellsjaha



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: But not in a good way, F/M, it's au ish, so it's just sad crappy and hilarious, this is a snippet that moves a little bit through time, yes this is smut but it's told out of josh's perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-05 21:56:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5391782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingwellsjaha/pseuds/kingwellsjaha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She lies in his arms and he thinks she is beautiful.</p><p>or everything is as fucked up as it is in the game so let's add some sex prior to the events in the game to make it... even more fucked up when you think about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's harder to know

**Author's Note:**

> well hello, i tried to write for this two idiots for a while now, but it never seemed to work.  
> now that i have a secret santa assignment and a housework due to next week it suddenly works.  
> or in other words i can't keep my priorities straight and i also don't know what this is.
> 
> any way this is a a little bit dark. mostly because it starts at the point where josh has drugged her after the lost chase. so be prepared for that.
> 
> english is also my second language and i don't have a beta. so BE PREPARED.

She lies in his arms and he thinks she is beautiful.

Beautiful like the dead women in the horror movies. Like Marion Crane in the shower scene.  
It’s fucked up, but so is the whole situation so why stop now, when he has already chased her through the house in nothing but a towel, when he has filmed her taking a bath.

He has made her his own personal Marion Crane and she plays the role beautifully. With her petite frame and blond hair.  
If she were awake she would probably kick him and manage to hurt him. Very unhorror movie like.

That’s the problem when you only have amateurs you never really get what you exactly want.  
But it’s okay like this. This is not his life work, it’s only the beginning.

He looks down at her again. Should actually pull her up and bring her to her prison, but the towel has slipped a little bit and he just stares at the place where her breasts begin. Only a little bit more and they are fully exposed.

It’s harder to not look, when you already know what it looks like behind the wrapping, he finds and that keeps him a little bit puzzled for a while.  
He has always thought that it was harder not knowing that the sheer curiosity would take over. But knowing, knowing is harder. Knowing makes you want to go back again, knowing is a reminder not only how that breasts look like but how they feel.

His body starts to shake and he can feel something inside of him break yet again. He lets it happen, is used to the up and downs, but still feels pathetic wailing over the knocked out missing sister’s best friend’s body.  
Way to go. But he has to be honest, especially now he had been more pathetic. 

It is alright.

He pulls Sam’s body a little bit closer as a strange comforting big cushion.  
Later he will cut this part out of the video. This is a horror movie not complex psychological drama shit. 

 

The first time he sees her almost naked is when he’s sixteen, she’s fifteen and a half.

Mike has only just arrived disturbing Chris and Josh’s heated discussion about Shrek.  
Josh tries to cooperate him in, but Mike seems a little bit to cool for a discussion about how the sex between the dragon and donkey could’ve technically worked.  
( _‘DUDE it’s his penis into her vagina. It totally works’ ‘Yeah bro but is it pleasurable for either of them?’_ )

So they just wait in silence. Wait till Matt comes. At some point Mike asks if the four will go alone to the concert or if the girls really will go along.

It’s Josh’s silent cue to go upstairs and check what the ‘girl’s’ are doing. Everyone is in Hannah’s room apparently. The door is closed but a very loud and very catchy pop song is playing he can hear them laugh and giggle yelling stuff at each other.

Way to rude to knock he just opens the door a sarcastic brilliant remark on his lips, but what he sees makes his whole mind go blank.

Most of the girls are sitting on Hannah’s bed, which is like right from the door so they don’t see him.  
Sam is opposite to them, so she would actually see him, if she wasn’t too busy taking of her shirt in the jokingly sexy way.  
He should’ve gone away, closed the door, said something, but he doesn’t, he just keeps staring. 

Behind the shirt she’s of course still wearing a sports bra, just like he always thought, but he can also see toned slightly freckled skin. A small slim body.  
In short he is a stupid boy, who never learned better and should never have a high function of power.

It gets worse, when she opens her eyes, shirt in hand and sees him.

A scream that sounds a little bit like a “JOSH” and her shirt in his face.  
Hannah is yelling something, then the music is out. He mumbles that they should get ready or they will leave without them.

He doesn’t look at Sammy the whole time. His ears are probably slightly red. Only when he leaves he gives her a glance and notices that her cheeks are red too.

She wears the crop top just to spite him. He’s not sure if he’s imagining that or if it is really true.

After telling it Chris had asked him if he has apologized. Of course he didn’t.  
Shit.

But it’s a surprising pleasant concert and after a little awkward while and beer on his side, everything goes back to normal. She pokes at his side and makes fun of him.  
He would’ve mind, but his eyes are fixed on her belly and it gets hard to answer.

In the end he ruins his shoulders by letting her sit on them, so that she can see better. That’s almost like an apology.  
He still complains the whole way back from the concert.

 

 

The next part actually has nothing to do with being naked. But it’s kind of important anyway.  
It’s New Year’s Eve 2013/2014 and he had tried to get Chris to kiss Ashley, by threatening to kiss him at the beginning of New Year’s Eve. He still wonders why he thought that could work. It almost looks as if Chris wants to be kissed by him. It was plausible on a very hilarious side of things, but on the other side chris really could do better.

So that kind of becomes their discussion on the last minutes of the old year.

“No dude, you promised, you broke it, now you have to deal with it”.

Chris is a little bit uncomfortable and red in the face, which speaks against and for the ‘ _wants to kiss Josh_ ’-theory in the same time. All of this speaks for the ‘ _Chris’s is the piniest pine to ever pine and can’t get his game on even if it’s a life and death situation_ ’ theory

Chris shakes his head.  
“Bro, no you forced this on me. I promised nothing”.

“Liar”, Josh yells  
“Nothing”.  
“Liar liar pants on fire”.

As the good mother friend of the group Sam has to interfere or maybe she’s just bored.  
With raised eyebrows she comes to the boys.

Chris looks away and Josh begrudgingly asks himself why he’s his friend in that moment. It’s not a serious thought just a spiteful one.

“Do you need any help boys?”, she asks after a small moment.

Someone in the background, it’s probably Matt, but Josh has not enough energy to focus on that next to Sam and Chris, yells that they have about two minutes.

Josh makes a small gesture from Chris to Ashley, who hopefully is still next to Beth, because if not this looks probably weird and Chris shouldn’t try and kiss his sister. He doesn’t want his best friend to die like this.  
Chris rolls his eyes.

“Well I made this deal with Chris, that if he doesn’t get Ashley as his new year’s kiss he should kiss me and we’re two minutes before said kiss and he still hasn’t made his move yet, but also doesn’t want to kiss me”.  
Sam finds this tragedy of course hilarious. Some part of him really likes to make her smile.

Chris is still sulky and crosses his arms.  
“I promised nothing”.

“One minute”, this time it’s Jess, Josh guesses yet again, yelling enthusiastically.  
Josh raises his arms.

“You can’t just bail out like this bro. Think about it! This is not only about you but about me, I have no one and although you can’t make a move you still don’t want to kiss me”.  
Chris takes one step back. Josh’s gaze is apparently too much.

People start to count. It’s not the best way of heading into the New Year, but Josh is willing to let it happen. Far more fan of a dramatic show and a good laugh.  
Chris is annoyed and takes a sip of his beer.

Josh waits till the countdown people have come to ten. He takes one step closer to Chris.  
“Back off”, is his response, but Josh won’t let him go, not this time. He wants this dramatic scene of betrayal to turn out right.  
People are yelling the three, the two, the one.

He opens his mouth ready for the big betrayal speech, but Sam’s sigh makes him turn his head abruptly. He had been so much into this, that he had forgotten her existence right next to him. Or not forgotten but far more made her out as the unmovable audience that watches in amusement.

Fireworks can be heard in the background and people are laughing and yelling.  
She comes one step closer to him and now he feels uncomfortable. His stomach makes a flip, like usual when she’s near and especially with that smug smile on her face.

His mind stops working after this. That’s what happens in a crash. Some small frames are left behind so that your mind is not overreacting. It doesn’t really work, because her lips are on his lips. But thanks brain.  
She has pulled him down by her hands, who are tugged now neatly behind his neck.

Is it his open mouth that made this into a sloppy not so innocent kiss or is it her?

He can’t really think about it, because his mind far more focuses on his arms. Not sure what to do with them he raises them and lowers them again. Should he lay his arms around her or would that be creepy? He settles for letting them just hang next to him.  
She has pressed her body against his already. It's interesting to note where her upper body starts and his lower body stops.

He isn’t sure how long they kiss, probably longer than appropriate.  
She tastes like the punch in the kitchen and smells a little bit like sweat and Hannah’s perfume.  
It’s better than he has ever dreamt. It’s almost close to being perfect.  
She even manages to bite his lip at some point. Her nose pressed against his cheek.

It’s good that he doesn’t have his arms around her, because she’s the one to pull away and it would’ve probably been awkward staying in the embrace.

In retrospective he blames himself for being totally stunned, but he still understands why he stands there with an open mouth.

She gives him a smile. “Well your problem’s solved then”. Her smug grin gets even wider and she looks like right next to him where Chris, who he has also forgotten about, is still standing, “have to go congratulate your sister. Happy new year”.  
“Yeah” It’s the only sound he can form that gets close to a word, so he takes it.  


She goes like she comes. He follows her with his eyes through the room.

Beth’s smirk kind of brings him back to reality. He turns to Chris who looks even more comfortable opposed to when Josh had stepped closer to kiss him.

He isn’t sure what to say. His whole mouth is tickling and remembering where hers has touched him. He has the same feeling on his neck and stomach.  
Chris looks a long time at a spot on the floor, then he takes another sip.

“Next time”, he finally says, “take a room”.

Josh wants to hit him, but Chris stops him by only raising his finger.  
“I am serious. A room. This was really too much to watch. 2014 is going to be horrible”.

He turns to the crowd and starts to walk, probably wanting to wish everyone a good new year. Josh follows. It’s not smart in his state to be alone. He probably would forget to breathe or something.  
His brain still process what Chris is saying.

“What are you saying Chris, this year is going to be awesome”.  
Chris takes another sip. “Oh I know why you’re saying this”.  
“Shut up”.  
“No, not when the tables have turned for once”.  
Josh is positive that he isn’t as red as he thinks he is and smiles.  
“Happy new year, bro”.  
Chris laughs.  
“Happy new year”.

Chris is kind of right only seven days later, but that’s not the point.

 

Now to the nakedness again and the reason why the kiss is important, because the next time he sees her naked they are kissing. She’s half naked. He has pulled her shirt over her head. She has let him.

They are sitting in the movie room of the Washington’s household.  
She has visited him because he has felt like shit the last days.

Not that he doesn’t feel like shit now most of the days. Actually he has always felt like shit, but somehow the universe has dug an even deeper hole and put him in it.

She’s sitting in his lap. Her body presses against his.  
If she feels his arousal she doesn’t mind it. Maybe she even likes it.

It isn’t like the New Year’s thing, it can’t be.

But it feels like feelings for the first time in months, like some sort of energy that flows through his body moves past the grey vale in his brain. To continue this fucked up metaphor the feelings probably roll through the deep till they find the dark corner of his mind and make themselves comfortable.

Sam’s grinding against his body and no, she probably doesn’t mind his arousal.  
He moans into their kiss and it makes her smile. He likes to make her smile and something realizes that this is a whole new possibility of making her smile.

His hands move up her back, he had tried to go for the ass, but chickened out of it only centimetres away. They move to the bra catch.

He hasn’t done this a lot in his life that’s why it takes him a little bit. It’s almost embarrassing but Sam continues to smile against his mouth and that makes it alright.

When he has opened her bra and freed her breasts. He breaks the kiss.

At first he just looks at them in awe. Although summer has only begun it is still toned and slightly tan from the weather and full of little freckles. He moves his hand over the smooth skin.

Her breasts are small and tiny in his hands and they feel great just squeezing them. They actually look funny when you move them slightly up and down jiggling them, but he doesn’t want to ruin it so he moves his mouth to her breasts instead.

She yelps when he bites down. Her hands moving into his hair pulling him closer. He takes it as a sign that she likes it and continues.

Her wiggling isn’t even subtle anymore. But his brain is smart enough to not come to any conclusions. That would’ve made him feel panic and that wouldn’t have been very good for little Josh.

Her hands move from his hair down into his shirt and find his back. Her nails dig into his skin and it’s almost unbearable. 

This is the part where something else takes over.  
Where all the background noise fade away.

His missing sister are only in the back off his mind, the pills and doctors and his parents, they fade away for a moment and leave place for something that doesn’t really have a name but it feels red and he pulls her closer and kisses her mouth again.

When she pulls at his shirt he helps her pulling it off.

With a smile her hands move up and down his stomach. She’s smirking about something wickedly. If that’s her reaction whenever he’s taking off his shirt he sure wants to do it more.

He touches her cheek and leans in closer.

Warm skin against warm skin is a nice feeling. Her nipple press against his upper body. It’s good that they kiss this way, easier, it kind if adjusts their body heights. Not that he’s big.  
She’s just small..

Yet full of energy. Her green eyes although they are almost black now glint in the dark, they pull him closer.

 _Don’t stop now_ , he begs her silently while she’s biting his lip again, _never stop_.

It’s totally awkward to get up and toss the pants aside.

It kind of gives both the chance to think about what they are doing.

Josh’s brain only manages to get to a long okay and a scream, but he looks at her wearily afraid that she’s about to realize how bad this is.

She doesn’t. She just looks at him while he pulls down his briefers too.  
It makes Josh blush, but little Josh is still standing.

He’s aware that it’s childish to call his member little Josh. Not only because there was totally nothing little about it, totally, but also because Sam would’ve probably hit him if he would’ve talked about him like this.  
Luckily his brain can’t really form sentences at this point, hardly words.

She pushes him down on the sofa, of course she does.  
Her hand trails from his chest down, till they grace his member. She climbs back on his lap, while pumping slowly.

" _Fuck_ "  
He moans loud and tries to adjust to that new sensation.

Sam’s hands are rough, small and firm not to forget amazing and he leans his head back just enjoying that feeling for a moment.

Then his hands trail curiously up her thighs. It’s easy to access her -he has no better word than- clitoris (this is the clitoris right?).

It’s wet and he needs some time to find the point, but he brushes over a certain spot and she moans too, more quietly.  
He tries to repeat his action and gets it at the third try.

His finger slides a little further and it doesn’t really feel awkward more like the way this whole shit was designed. She likes that, she at least stops her whole movement and waits for him to continue. He does and she lets out a sigh moving closer.

Her eyes are taking him in again. He rocks his finger in and out of this strange wet hot place.  
It really doesn’t sound sexy that way, but that was what it was. Birth canal was way unsexier.

He inserts another finger, when he feels a little bit more comfortable and then gets quicker.  
That really gets her going and he notes it down into an imaginary book in his brain.

She cups his cheeks and kisses him again, this time even harder.

He pulls his hands out of her and she moves even closer.

A part of his brain is yelling now. _It is happening it is happening_ while beating down on a large drum.  
Her hand aligns little Josh, fuck all the fancy names he couldn’t concentrate, with her… wet hole, fuck fancy suggestive words, slowly surrounding him.

Of course it feels good, that way good that he has to breathe in sharply and relax, before even start anything else. His hands rest on her lower back. Hers are around his neck.  
She starts to move slowly, trying to find her way on him.

He just searches for breath, while he watches her move and slightly moan. Her moans don’t really help his breath, but okay. If he ever wanted to suffocate it is probably this way.  
The truth is he has wanted to suffocate so much in the last months that this almost feels too good.

She looks good with only the light of the screen and the streets outside. But somehow her movement the feeling of her all around him, makes this all too real. Too now. His brain has tried to avoid this thought since they had started kissing.

His penis is surrounded by the best friend of his missing sisters that had actually come to take care of him.  
She has also once accidently hit him, after he had made a stupid joke, he didn’t know why he remembered that just right now.

It's just that they had watched movies together here. All of them Beth, Hannah, Sam and he. They had sat here and laughed and Sam had thrown popcorn.

Somehow he imagines this past versions watching them feeling the tension and the sweat. Hannah’s disgusted face and Beth’s puking noise are in his ear. He shouldn’t be doing this.

This is wrong, his minds thinks.  


But something inside of Josh doesn’t mind this at all.  
Something says that the wrongness taste delicious and this something is -although it is way too cheesy and dramatic -right.

Sam moves quicker now and he pulls her closer, pushing up from his position too.  
It’s messy and weird and probably not as good as it could’ve been.  
But at least his thoughts keep up his stamina and he doesn’t come in a minute.

He’s almost sure that she comes too, but not entirely.

He groans into her neck when he does. His hands clinging onto her back as if she could save him.

It’s really weird afterwards, but they manage to put on their underwear. He even manages to crack a joke and she laughs again.  
Despite the fucked up situation it almost feels beautiful. He’s the little spoon when they finally go up to bed.

His last thoughts when he goes to sleep are about Hannah and Beth. He fears that he will meet them in his dream.  
The doctor has given him something to make it stop.

But it is just like screwing with Sammy. It’s wrong, but a part of his brain wants it. A part of his brain tells him that it is prophecies that he’s hearing.  
Prophecies of his doom and he couldn’t wait to let that happen.

His mind should’ve been on protection, but he kind of hopes that Sam got that part covered.

 

He ties her to the chair. Her towel is tucked back again.

She looks beautiful and he feels a little bit of regret. Just a tiny notch though he wouldn’t see her like this if he hadn’t chased her in the first place.

He puts on the camera and adjusts her accordingly. She’s really blockbuster wise he thinks.

He turns back and watches her silently adjusting a loose strain of hair.  
His hands glide over her mouth, but he stops.

It’s hard to not take a peak if you already had taken one. In his case more than two. Hell a whole crazy summer. That had ended in too many pills and a concerned doctor.

But it is over now. All would be good after the sun would come up. He doesn’t know what makes him think that but he is sure.  
Everything is good when it finally dawns.

He shakes his head and moves on. His sisters are waiting.  
And so is Chris.

**Author's Note:**

> that was fun, let's do that again sometime.
> 
> (if not pls make a comment why not, i am listening)


End file.
